It’s happened to me a few times. I receive a warm and welcoming email from Amazon.
“We think you would love to read this book!”
I scratch my head. Arch my eyebrows in puzzlement. I read the email again and look at the book in question with deep fondness.
It’s my book.
You want me to read my own book.
Oh, go on then!😂
1) List a book for free on Kindle.
2) Promote said book on various social media platforms.
3) Sit back and wait for the masses to read and enjoy said book.
4) Check 24hrs later with eager anticipation to see how many copies have been downloaded.
5) Cry like a little sissy bitch when one sees that only two copies have been downloaded.
6) Still crying. Like a sissy bitch. Banging head against table top. Crying like a sissy bitch.
“Mr Marriott, JJ Abrahams would like to make your book into a box office smash!”
“Wow! Seriously?! Are you for real?”
“No, Mr Marriott I’m not. I don’t exist. You’re daydreaming again.”
“Band aids don’t fix bullet holes.”
“Wow, I’ll remember that nugget of information for later, Miss Swift!”
“A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink.”
“A horse actually walked into a bar and ordered a drink?”
“It’s a jo…..”
“Because there’s some money to be made here my friend!”
“Seriously! You can’t see a business opportunity? A talking horse. I see Britain’s Got Talent, America’s Got Talent. Hell, I’d even go as far as Australia’s Got Talent.”
“There won’t be any talent shows featuring a talking horse!”
“If your prepared to throw away a perfectly good opportunity to better yourself then that’s your fault. But rest assured I will not be doing the same thing. Now, where do I find this horse of yours?”
“Sweet Baby Jesus!! There’s. No. Talking. Horse.”
“Now,now. Why the long face!”
“That’s the punchline.”
“The joke about the talking horse.”
“Are you going to tell me where this talking horse is or not?”